Like eager, yet nervous school children ready to begin kindergarten we packed our Buddha books, tried to be on our best behaviour and retreated to the International Buddhist Academy (IBA) for some hardcore dharma (teachings) and sangha (community). Excitement filled our souls as we were about to embark on a journey inward in order to deepen our wisdom about Buddhist practice. This sounds great, right??? Wide-eyed and ready to soak up all the dharma knowledge that Venerable Kenpo Appey Rinpoche was about to offer on "Parting From The Four Attachments" we took refuge in the hopes of becoming more enlightened... or for a better rebirth in our next life (that is if you believe in that kind of stuff).
Religion or philosophy? It didn't take long for the skepticism and questions to arise... What does it mean to spin those prayers wheels? How could such actions possibly cleanse my karma? Why must I prostrate three times? Why am I touching my head to the floor repeatedly with my hand in a prayer position? All these actions only feel like submission and oppression to a doctrine that I don't fully understand or agree with. Why am I chanting prayers that don't resonate with my spirit? Why does philosophy become co-opted by religion? I don't ever recall signing up for these meaningless rituals. It was 10 straight days of catechism (Sunday school for Catholics) telling us to follow this path or else you'll end up in one of the ten hell realms. Not just one hell, but ten!!! All this dogma that's fear-based was the very reason why I became anti-religious in the first place. It took me years to dismantle my Catholic conditioning (sorry Mom and Dad). The idea of darwinism and evolution was beginning to sound more enticing as I was on the verge of a spiritual crisis. I panicked from fear of having fallen into one of those religious ideologies full of delusion and corruption, so by the second day I rebelled and skipped the teachings, locked myself in my room and practiced yoga hoping that if I stretched enough it would help me to rejuvenate my spiritual path.
As I emerged from my cave, I began to express my frustration to others about feeling like I was a part of a cult and what a horrible person I must be for refusing to adhere to these commandments and questioning constantly about what happened to the simplicity of what I know Buddhism to be? I realized that I wasn't the only one not connecting to the teachings, as a matter of fact, most of us didn't fully agree with the message that was lost in translation. I felt relieved knowing that I had a community who I could relate to and discuss the differences between the Eastern traditions. My sangha became my teacher for those 10 days and they helped me to survive those poorly translated dharma talks and those awkward prostrations I resisted doing, but only to get dirty, judgmental sneers when I didn't because everyone thought I looked Tibetan (yeah, apparently I look Nepalese too!) and if I didn't I was shaming their faith and culture. So I succumbed to doing them anyway. Awkwardly.
Let it be clear that we are not Buddha bashing it's just that for us the Mahayana view seemed very far removed from the Buddhism we've been influenced by in the West. We learned how interwoven Tibetan Buddhism is with its culture and that there's no separation between religion or culture. So of course it's a bit more difficult for us to connect with these ideas. The geographical isolation of Tibet has allowed them to develop and retain their own version of Buddhism which is beautiful and mystical on so many levels. We are extremely grateful for their generosity for sharing and making accessible such an important facet of Buddhism despite the displacement of their culture and people. But we realized that their teachings, which is based on scripture and theory, is very different than the experiential approach that we're accustomed to. Our time at IBA expanded our understanding about our own spiritual path. It helped us to know which views to leave behind and which perspectives actually connect with our own inner exploration and investigation. We're beginning to discover that whether one follows Mahayana or Theravada Buddhism or Hinduism or even Christianity it all eventually leads to the same place. But who really knows anyway? What matters is not so much the theory, philosophy or rituals of any doctrine, but rather ones direct experience and how one applies those experiences in order to better themselves and all of humanity. This is what our dharma is and has always been.
After those ten days we discovered another sangha in this world, another home, more lifelong friends... because through all the skepticism, fear, and the search for meaning, in the end what matters and what teaches you most are the relationships you develop. We'll definitely be back in Nepal to visit our family. But by the end of the retreat we were on "Tibetan-Buddhism" overload and wanted to recharge and process the experience on an isolated, white sand beach with emerald green water and where the closest thing to religion was a 16 year old kid named "M" who was an ex-monk, with ink gracing his back and stoned on a daily basis...
The IBA Cult...
"Monking" around...
The view from IBA...
Pure devotion...
Monks on the go...
We are family!!!
Pretending to be good students....
After 10 days of sitting with 300 monks...
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
